Need of advice..

[fade2blak]

Hey kids!

I REALLLY dont want this post to be in any way annoying or anything like that. But Im just after sum advice.

Im not gunna type the whole story on here (for i am at work and dont wanna get my ass fired) But im going thru my very first break up with a guy i honestly thought id spend the rest of my life with. Its been a month since he ended it with me. He suffered depression and cant be in a relationship. Hes a great guy with a heart of gold..but now that iv had a month to digest everything..he took a bit of advantage of me. Becoz he was suffering depression i put up with so much, him flirting with other girls (onme in particular iv had issues with for about 7 months), talking to his ex late at nite every nite behind my back. I never said a word. It was making me literally sick. Iv lost so much weight. Since we broke up hes been kinder to me, contacting me etc..but still did some jerk-like things..such as buying every one a Meshuggah ticket, including the girl i disliked him talking to, except me. And going to a porn shop with this girl and lying to me about it. Im trying to be mad but i hav trouble with that too.

So, im not sure how to try and move on, whether to ignore his messages. We were together just under 2 years and im finding ti very hard to adjust.

Iv never really posted personal shit like this on a forum, let alone one i just joined. But i figure hey, fuck it right? Got nuthin to lose now.

Id appreciate anyones opinion, becoz i do find it hard to talk to my friends about it here. Cheers guys! xo

[lauren]

Well, I was engaged to a guy who turned out to be a real asshole. I was his first real relationship (he had slutted around before that) and I put up with a lot of his bullshit, but according to friends and family I made him into a better person. He had moments where he could be really great, but it took me a long time to realize how manipulative he was and how mean he was to me. He went to boot camp and I thought that it would change him but he came back worse and we ended up breaking up after being together for a little over a year and a half. It took meeting my current boyfriend, who is the sweetest person you'll ever meet, to realize what a dick my ex was.

So, my own story aside, if this guy was a jerk to you and you're now starting to realize it - GOOD. It's better to know now that he was a jerk and remember that than to dwell and get all upset thinking of all the great things. If I were you, I'd cut off all connection and communication with this guy. Delete his number from your phone, block him on AIM and myspace and facebook, don't hang out with him, etc. I gets easier, trust me. And if you ever start thinking about missing him, think of all the crap he does. If that makes you angry and you need a release, listen to some Mudvayne! lol Find something you love to do and immerse yourself in it and sooner or later you'll be so busy you'll forget all about that guy. And one day someone will find you (cause that's always how it seems to work out) who will sweep you off your feet and treat you right!

*hug* I hope that helps!

[Candle]

@ Lauren <quote>
Look, as the Queen of Sheba once intimated--he needs to show both those hands of his, open and ready, all of time. One wouldn't ask if one didn't know the stores--and what woman in her right mind would ever demand of anyone the same as she did not not have in turn to offer?!
If you've got it--offer it, and demand it in return--no sliding scales allowed!

<again, quotes Lauren, Above> And of course, I await True responses from three of our awseome and paired-off Mods, Kathy, Kim, and Ginelly

[stallan]

I don't know a lot about this type of stuff, but if I was in your place I would say fuck him (not literally).

[fade2blak]

Ah you guys are gorgeous. Im so happy you hav a guy that treats you well now ) Sounds like u really deserve it!
Its very hard for me to get up and out becoz i hav lupus..i get sick very easily. I havent contacted him back, taking your advice..and it does feel better definatly. Iv lost heaps of friends coz we were all a tight bunch but since he's the singer in their band..its hard for them too. Im trying to go find sum new friends to chill with. I just hope he realises how well i treated him u kno?

Its funny, i stopped listening to alot of Mudvayne a while ago, saw em play Big Day out etc etc, but man...they really do help! haha Re-kindled love i guess u could say. Hopefully someone finds me one day heh.

Thanks guys very very much, really appreciate the responses xoxox

[lauren]

That's always tough, losing friends, but you'll make more! And you always have your family and us here at the forum Gretchen, I'm still trying to figure out what your Sheba saying means, haha.

[hvymtlmom]

I'm not sure what i could possibly add to the wise responses posted already (loved yours stallan...short, sweet and to the point!)

Definitely keep your distance from this guy. He may try to weasel his way into your life again as he sees what he's missing having let you go. In the words of Hatebreed (and oddly enough, my parents always said it too) "a lesson lived is a lesson learned". Having been through that relationship will help you see more clearly in your next relationship, since hindsight has shown you the red flags to look out for. Getting over him should get much easier as you remember how much the bullshit outweighed the good times. You deserve better *more hugs*

[fade2blak]

Wow...honestly guys, im absolutly stunned on the advice Iv had...thank u so much for taking the time out to giv me advice. Its a nice change of pace trust me

Im trying so hard to keep my distance. I realised that, I was in a nearly 2 year relationship, and i still dont kno what its like to be taken out to dinner! He didnt work, i paid for everything and made the plans. And he treated his ex and other girl friends...like they were princesses, and i was lucky enough to get a phone call during the day.

Advice taken, i feel much more empowered from ignoring him. As much as i may miss him, im just trying to focus on me...and trust me, im not used to doing that at all!

Thanks guys...i feel very special to hav u there to help. xoxo

[shroomfairy]

It's your first break up? I take it you are young. In about 10 to 15 years this guy will be a distant memory. ( I do realize that currently it does not feel that way.)

Keep moving and live your life for you! Put on some Mudvayne and sing along!

[stallan]

Jun 26, 2008 21:22:51 GMT -5 hvymtlmom said:

(loved yours stallan...short, sweet and to the point!)

That's pretty much how my life in general works.

[lauren]

Glad we could help! And, like some of the others said, this soon will be a distant memory that you'll laugh at. Or forget all about!

[Kim]

Fade--

When you end a relationship, even though you know it's for the best, it's still really hard to let go. You'll want to talk to him occasionally, maybe meet up with him and some mutual friends for a "casual" night out, or just to hang. Involuntarily you start building your hopes up that maybe if you two tried again it would work, and then you fall back into the whole sorry mess. That's why it's never a good idea to pursue any sort of friendship after a breakup. Things will be sore between you two for quite some time. The hardest thing after a breakup is getting back to your own social life. When you spend so much time with a person and suddenly he's not there and you're on your own, you have an entire lifestyle that you need to readjust to. Definitely find some new friends to hang out with, who are a positive influence on you, and who help take your mind off of your ex.